Most of the time I am relentlessly optimistic. My inner wonder woman emerges when I start to feel beaten down, reminding me of my resilience and my ability to positively impact my little corner of the world. Typically, I find joy and connection even when times are dark, and I love to laugh.
But, Sunday, I woke up in a funk.
Call it pandemic blues.
Call it post-debate, pre-election anxiety.
Call it uncertainty-overload.
It was an injustice-fueled gloom and a smoke-filled malaise.
I don’t know about you, but when I am in a funk, I take it out on myself. My inner voice gets mean: I am not doing enough. I am not impactful enough. I am not a good enough friend or leader or (insert any number of nouns here). I am letting people down. I am letting myself down.
Here’s the thing: I would never, ever in a million years talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself. I see the good in others, even when they are struggling. I believe in the importance of self-care and self-compassion, and I know it’s necessary to feel things deeply, even the bad things.
In other words, it’s not the funk that’s the problem; it’s the way I talk to myself about it. I am certainly not alone in settling into a funk these days, and I imagine many of you also turn on yourselves when this happens.
I’ve compiled some go-to quotes and practices for myself in these moments. On Sunday, simply rereading these pearls allowed me to accept my vulnerability, helped me embrace how I was feeling, and enabled me to start moving through the funk and gloom.
I hope they are helpful to you, too.
From Tara Brach: Notes from a lecture on self-compassion
What Do You Want to Hear First?
- Bad News: As humans, we can become imprisoned in our own habits: the ways we habitually see ourselves, talk to ourselves, and treat ourselves.
- Good News: Our brains are adaptable, and we can change.
The Importance of Practice
- Whatever we practice gets stronger.
- If we practice self judgement, that deepens.
- If we practice being kind to ourselves, we get better at it, and our self-compassion grows stronger.
Forms of Expression of Self-Care
The essence of practicing self-kindness is to see our basic goodness and actively express care for ourselves.
- Beliefs: Believing in our goodness, believing that we deserve kindness, even from ourselves, believing that rest and recharging is important
- Actions: Getting a massage, prioritizing exercise, taking a nap or a bath, spending time writing or reading
From Brene Brown: Quotes from The Gifts of Imperfection
Gotta Feel It
“We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time… We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
I Am Enough
“Wholehearted living is about engaging with our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”
From Shonda Rhimes: Quotes from The Year of Yes
“Badassery: 1. (noun) the practice of knowing one’s own accomplishments and gifts, accepting one’s own accomplishments and gifts and celebrating one’s own accomplishments and gifts; 2. (noun) the practice of living life with swagger
Swagger: (noun or verb) a state of being that involves loving oneself, waking up “like this” and not giving a crap what anyone else thinks about you.”
“Badassery, I’m discovering, is a new level of confidence—in both yourself and those around you.”
From Mallika Chopra: Intention Setting Practice
Start each day by answering these three questions.
What will make me feel healthy today?
Nurturing our bodies helps our minds feel better. So, find one thing you can do each day to benefit your health. Whether it’s taking a walk, or eating an extra serving of fresh produce.
What will make me feel connected today?
Our relationships are the root of our happiness. So think of one way you can connect with someone you care about each day.
What will give me a sense of purpose today?
Often we go through our days, checking off things on our to-do lists and driven by a sense of responsibility and mindless habit. Instead, start the day by choosing one concrete thing that you can do to create a sense of purpose.
This post is my favorite so far. I love the self-compassion piece. It is so helpful to read about the ways we can make ourselves feel better when the world seems chaotic. Thank you Sharon for this great piece. I find it uplifting, encouraging and hopeful.
Thank you, Lindsay! I’m definitely a work in progress, but I suppose that’s kind of the point… we all are and that’s okay! xoxo
This is great Sharon and at a time when we all need these reminders! I love reading your posts and self-compassion towards ourselves is so essential right now. I appreciate your honesty and openness as it helps all of us!
Thank you, Beth! And, I’m so happy that you are reading my articles. Turns out this is Mental Health Awareness Week – I had no idea when I wrote the article. But, I do truly think it is helpful to all of us to acknowledge with compassion when we are struggling and to know that we are not alone. Love you, BOB!
Sharon, thank you. As I frequently pass through “Funkytown” myself and sometimes bring an overnight bag, I now feel like I have some wonderful tools to pack to make my stay a bit shorter. I am appreciative of your time and investment to reach out and compile these nuggets for us. You are a rockstar and put the “fun” and good kind of “funk” in Funkytown. So much love for you and all you do.
Love YOU so much, my dear friend!!! We are all trying to assemble our tools and figure out what we need in any given moment. What’s the line in the song Funkytown? “Gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me…” I miss you, and I hope some day soon we can pack an overnight bag and hang somewhere fun and funky together. xoxo